Beauty, indifference, and making a choice
There’s something you see best only within the most brazen moments between those in love.
When everything around you comes into harmony in a single perceivable moment, you have an idea of what real beauty is… and what it can be. Wars have been waged in light of it, countries even shaped by the lack of it; love somehow always finds a way to weave itself into our lives particularly when we most underestimate its effects. After much thought, and at the risk of declaring a complete definitive, I believe there isn’t anything else like it that we’ll experience during our time here as we know it, however commonplace we may find it.
Love at its height becomes a baseline we ascribe to our idea of happiness, a standard for what we see as good or pleasurable in life, or perhaps even its peak. And it only comes from a series of choices and commitments we willingly tether ourselves to.
The idea of love begins as a story that we hear from those we look up to as we mature into adulthood, and grows within our minds into a dream. Dreams paint the canvases of our headspace and color our very perception of the world. In the minds of those who entertain these ambitions as more than wishful thinking, to pursue and achieve them brings a satisfaction rivaled only by the accomplishments of the most herculean of efforts seen only in stories that have inspired entire cities and cultures. But those that find themselves in this position realize a common truth: that there is a cost to everything and it is always a question of what you want the most, not simply of just what you want — a sacrifice.
To make sacrifices in life is a promise we all receive from the moment we enter the world. Our mothers made one for us to even be able to conceive of the very idea in the first place, so I think it accurate to assume that we were born from sacrifice and that this very well may be a reoccurring theme we find ourselves faced with until the moment we depart the world. Run from it or face it, Sacrifice offers no other option and certainly not a compromise on either side. It requires all of you and settles for nothing less.
I think you see this in decisions that are far less fatal than death and far more numerous than our, and everyone we know’s, birth. Many times it seems entirely innocent and inconsequential. Sacrifice always implies a commitment whether we agree or not, and this pervades and orbits the very center of our lives in every major area that matters to those in pursuit of anything more than simply “existing”. Commitment to any one of the innumerable choices we’re faced with in life is something even the smallest child knows, regardless of their ability to articulate it. As we grow older and more fully into ourselves, we see this amplified from “what toy should I play with right now?” to “what people should I keep in my life for the healthiest way forward?”. We quickly find out that our choices have evolved into the most precious tool for stability in a world in a constant state of (de)construction.
To remain indifferent to the way things are around you is not really a choice, but moreso a delay in one. To assume that what an individual or group thereof chooses for their own personal gratification has no affect on those around them, even if that choice is “not hurting anybody” is also naive. A good neighbor or a good soldier knows that the community or platoon is only truly healthy if everyone is properly functioning best given their individual circumstances. A house on fire does not bode well for a thriving neighborhood; a drunken captain compromises the integrity of the entirety of his crew. If we find ourselves caring about the communities we find ourselves in, then it is the duty of those who claim to care or altruistically want good for themselves and those around them to take consideration in what they allow in their soul, body, and mind. This means holding true to our choices after we’ve evaluated their benefits when we’re being honest with ourselves. You can see how our own desires could open the door for selfishness to take the reins here. It’s not difficult to imagine this on a grand scale.
Suddenly, the personal choices of those around us begin to matter, if only for the fact that they will eventually affect everyone around those whose choice was made. What invisible idea you subscribe to that initially only changes one fundamental part of your philosophy, and in some cases, physical wellbeing, will at some later time begin to directly shape the ecosystem you’re a part of due to the very nature of the choice itself. Enough championing & support of this act by enough people, or especially the indifference of it (as this gives way to general acceptance), will begin to change the societal flow with many wondering how things got to be in such a state while others forget that there was ever a time before it.
Recall the beauty of a genuinely heartfelt and endearing relationship. So much talk of choices can make it easy to forget the idea of sacrifice and the role it plays in them, but it is unmistakably the foundation for the type of relationship described earlier. To choose is to sacrifice all other options, even if just for a moment. To really and truly *choose* a person is to forgo another partner— perpetually. To choose is to believe in your initial stance when temptation offers something “more appealing” in the moment (or a series of them). What you gain in return is a deepening that only a dedicated few in life experience: instead of seeking constant newness in the next person that catches your eye, you reach a level of depth and harmony between two individuals that allow intrigue, endurance, and devotion to be their guides… all leading to a love that lasts.
The carnal, primitive side of us vehemently vows to never relinquish this control over our decisions in the name of sacrifice… where mastery over ourselves (and of any discipline) uses accrued wisdom to suggest that this is the only way to move forward if we are to reap the evergrowing treasure trove of satisfaction and relief. Only then is the fullest extent of what a relationship offers fully seen. Commitment is the only key that fits here, and it requires your fullest “yes” when the temptation to leave at the slightest sign of difficulty vies for your attention. There are many ways to feel good for a moment, only one for a lifetime of sustaining a truly fulfilling relationship — whatever comes.
Our nature finds reasons to be unhappy when all of life surrounds us with love. It is nature that can sometimes lead you to moments of euphoria… but moments of your greatest and most painful regret as well. The first thing you say is not always what you mean: a first reaction should not be confused with honesty. Sometimes your truest response requires a temperament only learned after demonstrating great restraint in the most uncomfortable of moments. What a short-lived solution never shows is the long-term road of fulfillment only gained by those with the endurance to match. It’s not for the easily seduced, or even the weak-willed… but it can be worked at, and sought after with a hope you feel even as you carry out the many occupations of your everyday. We’re born one way, but none of us have to stay there.
Your life is a series of choices and sacrifices that force you to take a stance. You either stand on the side of indifference, or the side of growth. One is stagnancy, the other illuminates the fullest version of yourself. Many things masquerade as a third choice only leading to a cycle of rumination in the end, after you’ve tasted every vice with nothing worthwhile to show for it.